Since I was a kid I used to anticipate a lot. As a kid I waited for evening for that one line of Milkybar which i was given everyday. Every day, one line. No deviation. I used to calculate the no. of days to my birthday. Festivals were another, esp holi and diwali. There were big days, days of importance. And then there were the 'less important' days, the connecting days. They connected one major event to another. As a kid, this was my classification. And I used to feel the rush as the major days approached. Be it my exam day or holi.
But, it's not the same any more. There are no major days. Consequently no connecting days either. Just one type remains. I don't even know what to call it. It's like I am observing each day as it passes, unable to contribute. The day passes, I go to sleep. Where the day vanished and what I did during those hours remain a mystery just like that missing Malaysian plane.
Does it happen to you anymore? Wait for an exam all week maybe month. As the D-day arrives you suddenly become numb? Oblivious? You are writing the exam. You might be failing the exam, which will in turn compel you to stay back in your college even in the vacation month when all your friends go back home to fatten up, it will mean continuous countless nights with you sitting in your hostel room by the window alone with rum in one hand and a cigarette in another. You can feel the horror as you skip from question to question unable to dodge the inevitable- failure. But it doesn't matter to you somehow. The moment you submit your paper, you know you are doomed. But for that period of time, you become an ascetic, a shameless one. You don't feel sad. You are just ready. Ready to stay back in the dreadful excuse of a college. Turns out the 'major day' you had anticipated it to be was wrong. This was just another day. No emotional high or low.
One more day passes. One more day is observed.
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