The Uncomfortable Disarray Within

Ever sit and think about the worst things in life? The worst thoughts, the worst emotions? Most of them are related to others, to people you love or are connected. Yes, you get love, but it comes with huge liability. As a primary school student, getting less marks was frightening. Because of what follows at home, not because the Math score of class 4 will render you jobless the entire life. At 16, your parents overhear you talking to your gf/bf is appalling. At 18, you hide and puff that cigarette, why? At 23, you are scared to remain jobless, why? For most people, it is because living life on your own terms comes with a hefty price, and not everybody can afford it- being a rebel. You hustle, starting with your parents, rustling through relatives, you have to even go against your friends at the end, the very friends who were with you since the start. Sometimes, the fight is so intense and conflicting you have to go against yourself. What does that mean, going against your own self? It doesn't necessarily mean what comes to your mind instantly. It means going against the very grain that was instilled in you since you were a kid, it is scandalizing at times to oppose the moral fiber your life has been based upon. You start to think of the past. Of your seemingly wrong actions, the depth of blunders you committed because you did what was taught. Were those really blunders? Because you acted according to the information at hand. This gives birth to independent thinking. Contrary to popular belief, having a beer or celebrating your 18th doesn't mature you or magically turn you adult. The birth of independent thinking does.

The world's a master manipulator and you can't predict a single aspect of it. By world, I mean human behavior, collective human behavior. The simple reason behind it is that there are tonnes of variables involved, it's a massive equation no one has ever solved, because no one knows what to solve for. There is no solution, because there is no question. It's so simple yet complex, so comprehensible yet so opaque. The more you think about it, the more tangled you get and the farther away you are, simpler it gets.